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Size matters

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BREAKING: The oversized sandwich purveyor Subway has apologized for the fact that its “Footlong Sub” is sometimes only 11 inches long.

Here is photographic evidence of the shrunken item:

Subway11

Maybe it was cold out.

After this guy posted a pic of his shriveled sub on Facebook, other victims of the “scamwich” (Stephen Colbert’s coinage) began posting their pics. Then two guys in New Jersey sued Subway for damages — their lawyer claimed he went to 17 Subways and didn’t get a single footlong Footlong.

The company should have immediately apologized and said it was looking into the issue and given everyone who posted a pic of an 11-inch sub a coupon for a free sandwich. Problem solved. But no, Subway had to go and WEASEL.

statement

Dear Sweet Meaty Cheesy God in Heaven, can you HEAR yourselves? “‘SUBWAY FOOTLONG’ [is] not intended to be a measurement of length.” Way to insure that your idiot response gets forwarded mockingly all over the Interwebs. It took a few days for Subway to do what it should have done immediately: Apologize rather than make excuses. Here’s the apology in full:

For 47 years, customer satisfaction has been our top priority. We regret any instance where we did not fully deliver on our promise to our customers. We freshly bake our bread throughout the day in our more than 38,000 restaurants in 100 countries worldwide, and we have redoubled our efforts to ensure consistency and correct length in every sandwich we serve. Our commitment remains steadfast to ensure that every SUBWAY® Footlong sandwich is 12 inches at each location worldwide.

Now you have to follow through on making sure you deliver a full 12 inches every time, and you better hope the two guys in Jersey drop their lawsuit. And curse yourself for not apologizing immediately, thus bringing the mockery of the Colbert.


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